Faith

I come from a background of working parents.A year after I was born,my mom wanted to get back to work.My parents approached both my maternal and paternal grandparents to take care of me for a year or two,but both sides refused.(When I was told of this as a kid,I felt unloved and abandoned.In retrospect,however,I see it as a big blessing.There's nothing I cherish more than my independence and space.)So,I grew up in solitude.While most other kids were being fed by their mothers,my mom taught me to eat on my own.She taught me everything I needed to carry on my daily activities.At two,I knew how to operate the washing machine,warm up my food and a lot more.I'm setting the stage for the story--I'm giving you an idea of what my life was like so that you understand what I'm going to say better.

My mom used to take me to her clinic whenever circumstances permitted,but for most of the day,I'd be alone.Back then,I was an early bird.I used to be the first one awake--5.30 or so,and I'd typically want to sleep soon after sunset.At the time,my dad was working during day and studying law by night .His day would start at 6 and end at 3.As a result,I ended up sleeping alone.

Like most other kids,I too had an instinctive fear of darkness.The same room that was familiar by day would turn eerie at night.I insisted that the lights be kept on while I slept.My mom understood where I came from and did as I asked,but my dad didn't.He'd either forgotten what it felt like to be scared of the dark or didn't take me seriously.He'd sit by my side and wait impatiently for me to fall asleep;two minutes later the lights would go off.(There was one occasion when there was a power outage and he dressed up as a howling ghost and came to scare me.I was petrified.I know.I know.It sounds silly now.But when you're two years old emotions always override your rationality.)

As a result,I'd wake up sometime later to find a room plunged into darkness.The light switch was probably three feet away,but I never had the courage to get out of bed.I'd look around the room,and usually the window would present a silhouette of leaves fluttering in the wind,which for some unfathomable reason,I found even scarier.I'd close my eyes and try to sleep,but to no avail.

I told my mom of this one day.She saw no solution to the problem:Neither of them could be with me.Nor could I stay awake till either of them were free.She told me that it was all in my mind.That if I chose,I would no longer be scared.And then,she told me this story.There are a lot of stories I was told in childhood,but this will always remain my favorite.So,here goes(I'm not a good narrator by the way,especially of children's stories):

In a tiny village,there lived a boy and his mother.They were dirt poor.His mother worked herself to the ground to keep a roof over their head as well as provide him with a decent education.The boy had to walk 6km to school everyday.                                                                
The initial stretch of the road was bright and well-lit.Thereafter,it wound into a forest---a forest so dense that not even sunlight penetrated it.The tress stood tall and forbidding.The very silence of the place was unnerving.For the first few days,his mother walked him to and from school.Then,there came a time when he had to do it alone.He tried to,but the woods scared him far too much.He came home crying."I can't walk alone to school.It's too scary".His mom knew that she couldn't always accompany him.So,she told him:"There's a friend of mine who lives in the woods.His name is Krishna.Tomorrow,when you walk through the woods,call out to him.He will walk with you."

"But why would he help me?" 

"Because he's your friend too.In fact,his other name is Friend-of-all-the-world."

 "What if he doesn't come?"

"If I tell you that I will do something,do you believe me?Is there any doubt in your mind?"

"None whatsoever.I trust you completely."

"Exactly.Trust him the same way.He will never,ever let you down."                                               

The boy was soothed by this and set off to school enthusiastically.When he reached the woods,he did just as his mother asked him to.

" O Friend-of-all-the-world,please help me.I'm scared to walk through the woods.My mom told me that if I called out to you,you'd definitely accompany me."

For a second,he's scared that Krishna wouldn't come.But he believes his mother.So he waits,despite the fear that's gnawing at him.The woods part and there emerges a person.Clothed in yellow,a peacock feather adorning his crown,a flute held in his hand.Someone who at first sight,looks normal.As he approaches though,the boy realises that's there's something extraordinary about him.Something out of the world.Well,he must be special if he's friends with everyone in this world,the boy concludes.                  "Are you Krishna?"

"I am whatever you call me."

 "Are you my friend?" 

"Whatever you see me as -be it friend,teacher or parent."

"Will you walk with me everyday?"

"Everyday,I promise.Call out to me and I shall be there.Whenever,wherever."

The boy smiles at him.Instinctively,he knows he can trust him.That his friend will be there from now.He has nothing to fear.They walk along,exchanging stories.The forbidding woods is a thing of the past.Everyday,the boy comes back from school to find Krishna waiting for him.They both walk back together.
The silence is gone now.The woods ring with the sound of cheerful laughter and the strains of a bewitching flute.

(Well,the story continues after this but it's of no relevance to the point I'm trying to make.)
This in a way helped me get over my fear of darkness.Whenever I'd wake up bewildered,I'd mentally go through this story.There was something that moved me--the way this kid believed in Krishna.I used to ask for this story over and over again throughout my childhood.I wasn't really(still am not) religious though.God was this abstract concept in my head.I prayed because I was told to.Whenever I was in trouble,my parents would get me out of it.

Much much later,when life threw at me the first real set of problems,I looked for someone to help me.Someone who'd reassure me that things would be fine.And I realised that no human being could  do that.That no one would always be there.You need someone powerful for that.Someone divine.Someone who's infinitely wise.Someone who's your support when no one else is there.In a moment,I had my answer.This story once again resonated with me.I knew that all I had to do was call out to him.He would appear and thereafter,everything would be infinitely easier.

This was when I first truly believed in God.Till you face your first set of problems,you aren't truly a believer.It's only when your beliefs are tested that you know.As long as there's light,you say you aren't scared of the dark.But you don't really know--it's easy to say that when there's light.The strength of your beliefs are tested in absolute,pitch darkness.

I still do this.Life's problems are often beyond my abilities to solve.But not Him.He's strong enough for it.And because he's my friend,I have nothing to worry.All I have to do is surrender my problems to Him.He will take care of it for me.I have absolute faith in that.I believe in it with every fiber of my being.

Like the bible says: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,I fear no evil,for thou art with me."

P.S:The ball is in your court now,Dear God.Whichever way you choose to play it,I accept it.All I ask of you is the strength to get through this.

P.P.S:If anyone's curious about the rest of the story,read here.