CD:Encounters with a formatting Nazi

I sit here with my LAN cable on the throes of death.Twist it slightly and the connection is gone.I need to sit as still as a statue once the cable is plugged in.I'm scared to even breathe,lest it suffer a cardiac arrest.I just wrote an entire article and hit publish to find it all vanish into thin air.Thanks to the aforementioned culprit.Much as I'd like to rant about that alone for an entire article,I don't imagine there's anyone who'd want to read that:P So,let me try and rewrite what I earlier wrote-which is surprisingly hard.

Final year of college.Adversity seemed to follow our project like a shadow.First,our guide decided to fly to a galaxy far away and abandon us mid project because well,she didn't give a damn about the project.Not that it mattered much.But the thing is you need a quote unquote guide on paper.So,the department scoured for one to come up with the most dreaded of all.Let's call him Mr.Y.See,the thing is,no group had chosen Y for a project guide.(which makes sense coz unless you're into masochism,noone in their senses would want to inflict that kind of pain onto themselves on an everyday basis:P) He was like a wounded lion seeking revenge and we were his unfortunate,pitiable prey.

Surprisingly,for almost an entire semester,he was good to us.So good that we started to wonder if we were mistaken all along.Then came the finale,the report.Somehow,we struggled and it got done.That is,except for the formatting.At the time,all of us preferred Word over LaTex.And when you have a 70 odd page document on Word,formatting is anything but easy.We had one night to finish it and since we were short on time and manpower,we decided to split the formatting work.As a result,the document ended up like the mythological chimera.Not that bad,but you see what I mean.

We also happened to have internals that day.So,we mailed the draft to Y and decided to meet him after the test.Once done,we searched for him but he happened to be invigilating another test.Sush and I decided to wait for him but Ramya went straight to him.We both were watching from above with equal measures of fascination and trepidation.He whipped out his phone and began talking something to her.He didn't seem pleased.We watched for a whole ten minutes,before deciding that we should go down and get our share of the scorn.Resigned to our fates,we headed down like sheep heading to the guillotine.Suffice to say,we heard from him for all of thirty minutes.He cribbed about every single thing:The index,the page numbers,the margin,header,footer.I zoned out after the first five minutes:P But you know what? I pity the people who were trying to write an internal amidst so much white noise.

(One thing worth mentioning here is that the moment he saw me,he asked how we split up the report work.This was a trick question--the sort defense lawyers ask of a witness who's unaware of the previous testimony.He's obviously already asked Ramya this and if our answers didn't match,we're in soup.I wished I could read her mind at that moment.I frantically looked at her and then decided to be intentionally vague so that she could help me.The ploy worked:) )

This time around,we worked on it till we had formatting nightmares.It was perfect,if I myself say so.We mailed Y,but he considered it beneath his dignity to reply.We went ahead and got it printed hoping this would be the last of it.Catch.We needed his signatures on all of the copies.Once they're printed,he can't possibly ask for changes,can he? More to the point,what more corrections could he suggest?Ah,I was never more wrong.

He had a plethora of complaints.There was no dot after his initial.Now,there was a dot after the HOD's initial.His argument was supposedly that she wouldn't sign because of the missing dot in his name.For the love of God! I can't listen to this,I need an escape. And God answered my prayers! There comes in another teacher -let's call him S,complaining that he couldn't get his files to open on his pen drive.

This was my golden chance.I volunteered to help him.No disrespect to him,but he's a little slow when it comes to a computer.I taught him 3 ways to solve the problem,while he painstakingly noted down whatever I was saying.The slower the better,I mentally grinned.From the opposite cabin,I could still hear Y. "Hold the paper to the light,Ramya,Read what's written there."  "GSM something" "Now,here's my report--read what's written on the paper.Do you see the difference in thickness?Your paper is hopeless.Look at mine.This is real bond paper.Useless people." Finally,it was done.He got his files to open and I had to go back to the screaming banshee.Sigh!

"The annexure is not supposed to be a link.What is this?I thought you were good students." He yells at me.The annexure happens to be a github repo containing 60 pages of android app code which I definitely can't put in the report.The link makes perfect sense to me! And his idea of putting only one file such as MainActivity.java is so ridiculous I want to laugh.I wish S would call me again,I muse.As if he'd heard me,he promptly calls out for me.

Excuse me,Sir,I say and head out.Sush and Ramya glare daggers at me.Not fair she gets to escape while we're caught here:P S asks me inane questions about the shortcut virus and I happily answer him.Now that I think of it,the second time he called me didn't have a concrete agenda.I wonder if he did it just to get me out of Y's clutches:P Kindhearted guy,bless him.

This time,he's all done when I'm back.The magical moment is here.He's holding his pen.He signs his name beautifully in calligraphic fashion,which is in complete irony to all his actions:P

Freedom from the formatting Nazi.

P.S:This is a slightly exaggerated,sarcastic version of what transpired.And despite all that I've cribbed about Y,he actually was good to us.Till this last week,which was a total nightmare.

No disrespect to Y,either.He just happens to be one of those people who seems extremely eccentric when you're in college and extremely funny once you're out.

P.P.S:There's still a part of me that's reluctant to post this coz it's a teacher and well,it goes against everything I've been conditioned to.In my defense,the story is a humorous one and needs to be told.