EFML: The gift of time

I found myself awake around 5.30, before my alarm went off. The first thought that crept into my mind was an incredible feeling of sadness. No more college, no more work. These were huge voids in my life--I almost didn't want to wake up to a day like this. But sleep eluded me, and I lay awake thinking.

Just yesterday, I said to someone: I have a month's time on my hands. And I have no idea what to do. I probably sounded sad when I said this. Anyway, the reaction I got was unforgettable. What would I not do to get a month off at this point! And here you are, cribbing about it. What can you do in a month, seriously? Go on a trip, live your life. Enjoy this time. This, accompanied by an are-you-out-of-your-mind look. I got more or less the same reaction from everyone I voiced this out to, but I still didn't agree with them.

I have always been this person who detests long holidays. I have hated vacations ever since I can remember, because boredom eats away at my soul really quickly. I feel like I'm going mad--I constantly need something to keep my mind occupied. Hence, a week I would consider a good rejuvenating break. Two weeks would be stretching it. Three would get me on the verge of insanity. And four would be full-fledged lunacy--I would be begging for sweet mercy by then. Remember Sherlock when he has nothing to do?--I get like that--hopefully I don't resort to his seven-percent solution(just kidding!) :P

Therefore, this time too, I didn't wish for a break. I hoped that I'd get a week, but that was about it. But ironically for me, all my friends got about a week while I ended up with a month. I cursed my fates for this, imagining day after day of vast nothingness. And that's how I ended up here, awake in the wee hours of the morning, feeling blue as hell.

I reiterated through all the responses I'd gotten yesterday, and they all had one thing in common: That note of desire, the wish that they could get this for themselves. If so many people wanted what I had and bemoaned, maybe there was something good about it? I still couldn't see it.

I laced up my shoes and set out for a walk. I was reminded of my college days, where we had a group of walking freaks--we called ourselves roadrunners--and despite the insane hours we put in as grad students, we would still wake up at dawn and walk. Everyday, one person would have the responsibility of waking the others up. and this would be a testament to our will power. Eventually, life got hectic, and those morning walks seemed as if from a different lifetime.

Good times those, I sorely miss those days. 

I walk past the main road, and the traffic is already starting to increase. School kids bundled into a bus, staring out the windows like zombies. Harassed motorists heading to work, looking as if they wished to be anywhere else but here. Till a day ago, this was also me. I used to look at the walkers and joggers and feel envious. Envious that they had the time to go for a walk, while I had to wake up an hour earlier if I wanted to make that part of my routine.

That's when it hit me. I am beyond all this for now. This month is freedom from the chains of a monotonous routine. This is just about me. No obligations to college. No obligations to work.  No obligations to any one person in the whole world but myself. I think about the thousand things I've always had on the back burner of my mind--that elusively endless reading list, things to watch, songs to learn, projects to work on, places to visit-- and the excuse I had for all of them was just this: no time. But now, I have been given exactly that: the gift of time without the burden of responsibility. I can take a walk without worrying about the ramifications it would have on the rest of my day, because I have the luxury of time. I can go ahead and spend the entire day reading and not feel guilty about it either, because I have nothing else in the whole wide world to do. I can binge watch every series I've wanted to, because again, why not? 

The possibilities are endless. Adding to it is that feeling of one last time--I am fairly certain that this is the last responsibility-free vacation of my life. If I were to see it that way, one last month that life has given me to enjoy, should I not be happy about it? The feeling of a true vacation envelops me, and I bask in its euphoria. The sadness of an hour ago seems entirely foolish now, and I grin at my naive self. I will make these days count. Live them so wonderfully that they are unforgettable. Jealous of me, aren't you? :P You have every reason to be :D

 The best thing you can do with a gift is to use it wisely.

Thank you for this one, Universe! Pardon me for being so foolish as to crib about it. I shall use it so well that you feel proud of me.