The all-encompassing parental umbrella
I was talking to a friend yesterday, a friend who is very similar to me. She told me this : We are perfect to all the world but our parents. But don't you think they are the ones who deserve the best parts of us?
I agreed with her, for she was undoubtedly right. But this was nothing new to me-I had known it all along. As much as I detest it, I haven't been able to mend my ways. I sometimes wonder if I'm bipolar--the person I am at home and the person I am to the rest of the world are at two ends of the spectrum.
Let me paint a picture for you. I wake up at 5.45 in the morning, run through my morning chores in a flurry of activity, gobble up my breakfast, grab my lunch and run out of home by 6.50. My Mom, wakes up around 4.30 without fail everyday, makes breakfast and lunch by the time I wake up, and ensures that I don't get delayed because of her. I come back around 6.30 in the evening, freshen up, and go upstairs in search of dinner, which I again eat without a thought. Thereafter, I proclaim to be "tired" and either watch/read/write something. My mom works from 9 to 2, has lunch, takes a quick nap, is up by 3.45, makes dinner which she casseroles before heading off to work at 5. She comes back by 10 pm, by which time I'm fast asleep. She tries to wake me up to talk to me, but her efforts are usually in vain. She again finishes up her chores and goes to bed around 11. Tell me, what kind of a daughter am I? My Mom works for 18 hours a day, and I don't do a single thing to help, because work and travel are enough to tire me out. Even on weekends, I am plain lazy. I would rather sleep in till 7 than wake up and help. Callous, am I not?
To the outside world, I am the epitome of perfection. I work really hard, always finish things well in time, and as perfectly as possible. I even find the time to help others, and people can't get over how amazing that is.
Same with my Dad. Another example, what say? It was Election Day last month. My parents wanted to go and vote first thing in the morning, as soon as the booth opened. 7 am. I made a grumpy face, because it was a Saturday, and I didn't want to wake up that early. Through the week, there was something about collecting those tokens which told you which booth to go to. My Dad asked me to download some app and check, which I did not bother to do. Thereafter, he asked me for my election card number, so that he could check for himself. I forgot to do that too. A day before the election, he handed me a printout of my booth details and my election card and told me to keep both safely. I left both lying around on the table carelessly. He woke me up at 6.45 on the day of voting, and I was furiously annoyed. Why can't you leave me alone? I'll go do it later in the day, at a sane hour that normal people wake up on a Saturday, I stormed at him. I send him on countless errands on my behalf: fix my watch, get me something, print this out for me, so on and so forth. I never acknowledge that these mundane endeavors nevertheless take up his time and energy, and I am better off for it.
Ask my friends and acquaintances, and they'll tell you the opposite of all this. I am the most responsible person they happen to know. I never forget the tiniest of errands, and I have patience and time for all of them.
I could go on writing about this for a hundred other aspects in life. I am impatient and short tempered at home--the world sees the opposite of this. When people call me, no matter what I'm going through or how busy I am, I always make myself available. When my parents call, I can't be more brusque or rude.
I am not proud of this, I hate myself for it. If you asked me for a list of my vices, this would make the top of my list. I feel like an impostor when people praise me for being good--I want to tell them "Go ask my parents how I am. Then you'll know the true me.This is just a charade I put on for the world." You know what the worst part is? Having parents who love you despite this. I wish they hated me and yelled at me for being so horrible--which seems like a normal parent's reaction. It would at least lessen some of that guilt I feel. Instead, they thank me for the stupid trivial things I do--call customer care, recharge their phones, order stuff online--which makes me feel even worse.
I have wondered countless times as to why I take my parents for granted, when I can just as easily do that with the rest of the world. God knows, the world would deserve it far more than my parents.
It could also be that I can't be perfect everywhere and to everyone, and I need a way of balancing out the load. Zero sum game. I need somewhere to unwind, somewhere that I don't have the pressure to be the responsible one. Naturally, I choose the place and people I trust best. My parents who I can trust to get everything right, and still not be mad at me for not pitching in. But then I wonder, when and where do my parents unwind? The answer is, they don't. They always live under the load of responsibility, chores, commitments--maybe it's one of the curses of adulthood.
There's a phrase in Kannada: Manege maari, urige upakari. That's me. But you know what? I don't want to be this person anymore. I want to be a good daughter to my parents. I think it's about time I prioritized them. If I have to be less perfect to the world outside because of that, it's okay. If you can't be good to the people who have been nothing but good to you since you were born, then is there any point to life itself?
I promise today, to make life a little easier for my parents. Not to take away all their problems at once, but at least give them the feeling that I'm there to support and help. A shoulder to lean on. So that they too can have the luxury of unwinding once in a while.
P.S: I happen to know people who are the opposite, people who are extremely nice to family and who put everyone else at the bottom of their priority list. Somehow, I feel they are better human beings than I am.
I agreed with her, for she was undoubtedly right. But this was nothing new to me-I had known it all along. As much as I detest it, I haven't been able to mend my ways. I sometimes wonder if I'm bipolar--the person I am at home and the person I am to the rest of the world are at two ends of the spectrum.
Let me paint a picture for you. I wake up at 5.45 in the morning, run through my morning chores in a flurry of activity, gobble up my breakfast, grab my lunch and run out of home by 6.50. My Mom, wakes up around 4.30 without fail everyday, makes breakfast and lunch by the time I wake up, and ensures that I don't get delayed because of her. I come back around 6.30 in the evening, freshen up, and go upstairs in search of dinner, which I again eat without a thought. Thereafter, I proclaim to be "tired" and either watch/read/write something. My mom works from 9 to 2, has lunch, takes a quick nap, is up by 3.45, makes dinner which she casseroles before heading off to work at 5. She comes back by 10 pm, by which time I'm fast asleep. She tries to wake me up to talk to me, but her efforts are usually in vain. She again finishes up her chores and goes to bed around 11. Tell me, what kind of a daughter am I? My Mom works for 18 hours a day, and I don't do a single thing to help, because work and travel are enough to tire me out. Even on weekends, I am plain lazy. I would rather sleep in till 7 than wake up and help. Callous, am I not?
To the outside world, I am the epitome of perfection. I work really hard, always finish things well in time, and as perfectly as possible. I even find the time to help others, and people can't get over how amazing that is.
Same with my Dad. Another example, what say? It was Election Day last month. My parents wanted to go and vote first thing in the morning, as soon as the booth opened. 7 am. I made a grumpy face, because it was a Saturday, and I didn't want to wake up that early. Through the week, there was something about collecting those tokens which told you which booth to go to. My Dad asked me to download some app and check, which I did not bother to do. Thereafter, he asked me for my election card number, so that he could check for himself. I forgot to do that too. A day before the election, he handed me a printout of my booth details and my election card and told me to keep both safely. I left both lying around on the table carelessly. He woke me up at 6.45 on the day of voting, and I was furiously annoyed. Why can't you leave me alone? I'll go do it later in the day, at a sane hour that normal people wake up on a Saturday, I stormed at him. I send him on countless errands on my behalf: fix my watch, get me something, print this out for me, so on and so forth. I never acknowledge that these mundane endeavors nevertheless take up his time and energy, and I am better off for it.
Ask my friends and acquaintances, and they'll tell you the opposite of all this. I am the most responsible person they happen to know. I never forget the tiniest of errands, and I have patience and time for all of them.
I could go on writing about this for a hundred other aspects in life. I am impatient and short tempered at home--the world sees the opposite of this. When people call me, no matter what I'm going through or how busy I am, I always make myself available. When my parents call, I can't be more brusque or rude.
I am not proud of this, I hate myself for it. If you asked me for a list of my vices, this would make the top of my list. I feel like an impostor when people praise me for being good--I want to tell them "Go ask my parents how I am. Then you'll know the true me.This is just a charade I put on for the world." You know what the worst part is? Having parents who love you despite this. I wish they hated me and yelled at me for being so horrible--which seems like a normal parent's reaction. It would at least lessen some of that guilt I feel. Instead, they thank me for the stupid trivial things I do--call customer care, recharge their phones, order stuff online--which makes me feel even worse.
I have wondered countless times as to why I take my parents for granted, when I can just as easily do that with the rest of the world. God knows, the world would deserve it far more than my parents.
It could also be that I can't be perfect everywhere and to everyone, and I need a way of balancing out the load. Zero sum game. I need somewhere to unwind, somewhere that I don't have the pressure to be the responsible one. Naturally, I choose the place and people I trust best. My parents who I can trust to get everything right, and still not be mad at me for not pitching in. But then I wonder, when and where do my parents unwind? The answer is, they don't. They always live under the load of responsibility, chores, commitments--maybe it's one of the curses of adulthood.
There's a phrase in Kannada: Manege maari, urige upakari. That's me. But you know what? I don't want to be this person anymore. I want to be a good daughter to my parents. I think it's about time I prioritized them. If I have to be less perfect to the world outside because of that, it's okay. If you can't be good to the people who have been nothing but good to you since you were born, then is there any point to life itself?
I promise today, to make life a little easier for my parents. Not to take away all their problems at once, but at least give them the feeling that I'm there to support and help. A shoulder to lean on. So that they too can have the luxury of unwinding once in a while.
P.S: I happen to know people who are the opposite, people who are extremely nice to family and who put everyone else at the bottom of their priority list. Somehow, I feel they are better human beings than I am.
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