Existential meanderings:On responsibility and nonchalance
This has been on my drafts for quite some time now. It has been tossed and turned around in my head like an overwrought sock in an otherwise empty dryer, and it is now unrecognizable from what I originally meant it to be. Nevertheless, I will give you my present take on it. :)
Responsibility was one of the things I was taught quite early in life. My parents made it out to be a great virtue, the absence of which would render all living pointless. This was reiterated in school, where they further waxed lyrical on the various forms and kinds of responsibility and how one should do justice to all of them. Needless to say, I learnt these things quite well and inculcated them in the way I led my life.
Sounds very green and glorious, right? Fret not, that curveball is just around the paragraph. As an engineer, one of the first things you're taught to think about is scalability. How well does your solution scale up? If your solution is x good when the input is y, how good is it for 10y? For 10^3y? For 10^6y? x can be time complexity for a coder, space complexity for an embedded programmer with limited memory, setup and hold times for a digital designer, area for a circuit designer, just about anything.
Life asks of you the same question: If I throw at you x amount of difficulties, you can somehow make do. Let me up that to 10^6x and watch your algorithm struggle to cope. Will it upscale? If you ask me, this is one of the strongest mechanisms of evolution and survival there is, because it forces you to rethink your opinions and change them so that they can endure. So that your code of life becomes resilient and unshakeable.
Coming back from my tangential digression(it's actually an analogy, but that remains to be seen), responsibility is very cordial to you. Till it brings along its unwelcome first cousin--anxiety. (What I'm about to say may not apply to you, in which case, you're already at what I consider the ideal position to be in-you may choose to read this purely for curiosity. But if you're the other kind, for whom anxiety and responsibility are inexplicably and inseparably intertwined, then you should definitely give this a read.)
Imagine that you have a task at hand and a deadline to complete it by-now this is a typical example of a responsibility, something all of us are exposed to on a day to day basis. It is normal to think about how you would go about accomplishing this task, and form a vague outline of a plan in your head. Throw in anxiety into the mix, and you keep pondering over all the things that could go wrong. You fret about that deadline every morning and every night, and all the moments in between where your mind is unoccupied. Somehow, this one task becomes central to your existence. You don't breathe easy till it is done and dusted. Now this is all very well when you have one task.
What when you have a hundred? It might sound like I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. Enumerate all the responsibilities you have: to yourself, to family, to friends, to your career, to your hobbies, to your future. A hundred seems a little less now, doesn't it? :P That's when the anxiety really starts to bog you down. You spend more time than ever considering the million things you have to do, rather than investing your time in actually doing them, which is the first part of the problem. Then, there are actual hurdles in your way: for instance, not enough time, don't yet have a solution in mind and worst of all, aspects that are beyond your control. These evoke in you a sense of futility, a sense of helplessness. You get to the point where the slightest change upsets you, and you come across as nervous and irritable. These responsibilities seem to ensnare you in a devious web of their own--a web from which escape is as difficult as the mythical Chakravyuha.
If you can relate to everything I've said, then it's time to look at the other set of people I mentioned--the nonchalant ones. We would no doubt benefit by taking a page from their books, because the aforementioned mindset is nothing but toxic. Granted, it keeps you focused on things, but sometimes the best you could do is to defocus. To take a step back. Perspective is all important, and being too close can distort your view. Letting problems stew around in the back of your mind is not only liberating, but also extremely productive. It is something that I have been practicing, because I abhor the anxiety that comes with responsibility, and yet cannot let go of responsibility itself.
What you need to do is find that sweet spot between responsibility and nonchalance, that perfect zone of serene productivity. Think about tasks and deadlines, but not to the point of nightmares. Organize things, but do not fret when something upsets your carefully laid out plans. Ponder over obstacles and how to overcome them, but not to the point where all you see are worst case scenarios. Think through those beyond-your-control problems too, but know when to take your mind off--and completely, as if it were a sandbox. Let your responsibilities guide and drive you, but do not let them debilitate you.
Pressure is the buzzword of the era, and to live under this constant humdrum of never ending deadlines, detachment is essential. You must shed off your problems as easily as yesterday's clothes, for that is the only way you can live serenely. Without the shadow of anxiety always peering over your shoulder.
P.S: This article was inspired by someone who seemed not to have a care in the world--someone who was the epitome of happiness,cheerfulness and humor. I initially wondered if the person were remiss, later speculated that life had dealt them an easy hand, but both my guesses were proven wrong by time. It was this--the marvelous quality of not letting your responsibilities bog you down, that elusive mixture of responsibility and nonchalance.This article is dedicated to that someone,for having taught me one of the most important lessons I have learnt till date! :)
Responsibility was one of the things I was taught quite early in life. My parents made it out to be a great virtue, the absence of which would render all living pointless. This was reiterated in school, where they further waxed lyrical on the various forms and kinds of responsibility and how one should do justice to all of them. Needless to say, I learnt these things quite well and inculcated them in the way I led my life.
Sounds very green and glorious, right? Fret not, that curveball is just around the paragraph. As an engineer, one of the first things you're taught to think about is scalability. How well does your solution scale up? If your solution is x good when the input is y, how good is it for 10y? For 10^3y? For 10^6y? x can be time complexity for a coder, space complexity for an embedded programmer with limited memory, setup and hold times for a digital designer, area for a circuit designer, just about anything.
Life asks of you the same question: If I throw at you x amount of difficulties, you can somehow make do. Let me up that to 10^6x and watch your algorithm struggle to cope. Will it upscale? If you ask me, this is one of the strongest mechanisms of evolution and survival there is, because it forces you to rethink your opinions and change them so that they can endure. So that your code of life becomes resilient and unshakeable.
Coming back from my tangential digression(it's actually an analogy, but that remains to be seen), responsibility is very cordial to you. Till it brings along its unwelcome first cousin--anxiety. (What I'm about to say may not apply to you, in which case, you're already at what I consider the ideal position to be in-you may choose to read this purely for curiosity. But if you're the other kind, for whom anxiety and responsibility are inexplicably and inseparably intertwined, then you should definitely give this a read.)
Imagine that you have a task at hand and a deadline to complete it by-now this is a typical example of a responsibility, something all of us are exposed to on a day to day basis. It is normal to think about how you would go about accomplishing this task, and form a vague outline of a plan in your head. Throw in anxiety into the mix, and you keep pondering over all the things that could go wrong. You fret about that deadline every morning and every night, and all the moments in between where your mind is unoccupied. Somehow, this one task becomes central to your existence. You don't breathe easy till it is done and dusted. Now this is all very well when you have one task.
What when you have a hundred? It might sound like I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. Enumerate all the responsibilities you have: to yourself, to family, to friends, to your career, to your hobbies, to your future. A hundred seems a little less now, doesn't it? :P That's when the anxiety really starts to bog you down. You spend more time than ever considering the million things you have to do, rather than investing your time in actually doing them, which is the first part of the problem. Then, there are actual hurdles in your way: for instance, not enough time, don't yet have a solution in mind and worst of all, aspects that are beyond your control. These evoke in you a sense of futility, a sense of helplessness. You get to the point where the slightest change upsets you, and you come across as nervous and irritable. These responsibilities seem to ensnare you in a devious web of their own--a web from which escape is as difficult as the mythical Chakravyuha.
If you can relate to everything I've said, then it's time to look at the other set of people I mentioned--the nonchalant ones. We would no doubt benefit by taking a page from their books, because the aforementioned mindset is nothing but toxic. Granted, it keeps you focused on things, but sometimes the best you could do is to defocus. To take a step back. Perspective is all important, and being too close can distort your view. Letting problems stew around in the back of your mind is not only liberating, but also extremely productive. It is something that I have been practicing, because I abhor the anxiety that comes with responsibility, and yet cannot let go of responsibility itself.
What you need to do is find that sweet spot between responsibility and nonchalance, that perfect zone of serene productivity. Think about tasks and deadlines, but not to the point of nightmares. Organize things, but do not fret when something upsets your carefully laid out plans. Ponder over obstacles and how to overcome them, but not to the point where all you see are worst case scenarios. Think through those beyond-your-control problems too, but know when to take your mind off--and completely, as if it were a sandbox. Let your responsibilities guide and drive you, but do not let them debilitate you.
Pressure is the buzzword of the era, and to live under this constant humdrum of never ending deadlines, detachment is essential. You must shed off your problems as easily as yesterday's clothes, for that is the only way you can live serenely. Without the shadow of anxiety always peering over your shoulder.
P.S: This article was inspired by someone who seemed not to have a care in the world--someone who was the epitome of happiness,cheerfulness and humor. I initially wondered if the person were remiss, later speculated that life had dealt them an easy hand, but both my guesses were proven wrong by time. It was this--the marvelous quality of not letting your responsibilities bog you down, that elusive mixture of responsibility and nonchalance.This article is dedicated to that someone,for having taught me one of the most important lessons I have learnt till date! :)
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