The double-edged sword called denial

Until quite recently, I belonged to that set of people who mercilessly vilified denial.A fool's paradise,I thought.As I'm sure was drilled into my head by some school teacher or a fable of someone who lived in an imaginary world, I disdained the very thought of it.It was high on my list of vices,and I swore that I would never give in to it.I could handle reality,no matter how sordid.I didn't need a false utopian image.

But a part of growing up is broadening your notions.To be able to look beyond what you think is right.To be able to listen to another point of view,analyse it and modify your own if you think it is justified.If you set your ideas in stone and refuse to change them no matter what,then there's no point to all of life.To all that you experience.The constant feedback loop is what makes us better--it helps us evolve.

You might think denial is largely frowned upon by society.While that is true,it is also unconsciously ingrained into us in other forms.Collective denial,for instance, is largely practiced in Indian families--the proverbial elephant in the room is often left unaddressed.In fact,right on the other side of the fence from optimism is denial.Optimism tells you to acknowledge a problem and believe that you will find a solution;while denial advocates that the solution is in denying the existence of the problem.

For the past week,I've been meaning to write about this and therefore,everyday, a coupe of random thoughts about it pop into my head.I'm not sure if this is confirmation bias--because if  I confirm that it's confirmation bias,then that itself can be an instance of confirmation bias:D Circular enough for you?--but what I noticed is this.Denial is rampant in our lives and its portrayal.Works of art and paintings since times immemorial have depicted serenity and happiness and peace even when reality was far from it. Aren't these rooted in denial as well? When you click a picture,don't you almost always make sure to obscure out everything but the good?Doesn't that qualify as denial too? When you pick a happy movie over a gloomy one,isn't it because you're refusing to acknowledge certain aspects of reality? Come to think of it,the fence between denial and optimism is practically hair-thin.

I'm sure I don't have to go into the pitfalls of denial.I can confidently assume that all my readers are aware of them and move on. It's the other side of the coin that needs attention:Is there anything good that can come out of denial?

Actually,yes.It is a very powerful defense mechanism,especially in the short term.There is a a tiny window of time between when you become aware of something and when you choose to acknowledge it.This window,is spent in mentally preparing yourself for the new reality.This,in my humble opinion,is what helps you cope with reality.And when I say tiny window,I mean it relatively.It could range from a few seconds to a few days depending on the situation and person.All of us direly need this.

At other times,denial is just a conscious effort to forget.A temporary erasure of a certain set of memories,so that you can pretend that things are as they should be.Or as you think they should be.I'm not sure if this qualifies as denial,it seems to me that it does.Again,this is completely harmless and entirely necessary, because you don't always want to be aware of all that's wrong in your life.Sometimes,you simply want to pretend that things are right and savor a happy moment or two.Perfectly okay.

The problem is only when when denial becomes a drug that you cannot wean yourself off. When you become so addicted to it that you refuse to see reality.At times,it takes very long for you to even acknowledge that you're in denial.Denial of denial.(this is beginning to sound like inception now,I'd better stop:P)

In conclusion,think of denial as the lungful of oxygen you take before you plunge into the water.You are allowed that one breath,but make sure you take the plunge afterward.

P.S:I have finally emerged from my winter hibernation to write this long overdue piece:P