The lockdown journal: Paper cuts and stitches

“Don’t try to compare a paper cut to stitches because they both draw blood”

I'll admit to you, my last couple of posts Embrace the struggle and  Gratitude are seemingly contradictory. In the latter, I urge you, My Reader, to be grateful for everything you have by pointing out the fact that several people are denied of basic amenities. In the former, I ask you to accept that your problems are real and reassure you that it okay to seek help about them. Now you might wonder: How can I feel grateful while I am going through so much struggle? Or worse still: My struggles are not worthy of being expressed, I should instead feel grateful because people all over the world are facing so much more.

In essence: Is it possible for gratitude and struggle to co-exist? Or are they mutually exclusive?

I believe that it is possible, but before I get into that, allow me to clarify my stance. When I ask you to be grateful, it is not by denying the existence of your struggles. I do not intend to make you feel guilty about your troubles either--they are undoubtedly real. As the eloquent proverb at the top of this article says, it is unfair to compare our struggles. If you feel that are you are struggling, that you are going through something difficult, you are entitled to feel that way, even if other people have it worse. Do not force yourself to feel grateful by suppressing your emotions.

Is it fair to ask someone who has just lost a job to feel better because he/she still has food, shelter and clothing? That person's anguish is very real to them, and they are justified in feeling it, even if there is someone for whom a loss of job came with loss of food, shelter and clothing.

I did not intend to trivialize your problems when I asked you to be grateful. But like so many other people, I too included comparisons in my version of gratitude, which in retrospect seems to be pretty close to trivializing. (I have gone back and edited out the comparisons in my previous post.) I do not mean that you should be grateful because you have something that someone else doesn't-- this just puts us in the age old hierarchy and comparison trap. 

Gratitude cannot and must not be forced. Nor should it come out of comparison.When you look inwards to find things to be grateful about, do not let the baseline be someone else and their possessions. If you must have a baseline, then let it be an absolute zero. If you think about it, you are not entitled to anything in life. Therefore, everything you have is a blessing. It does not matter if someone else has it or not. 

Now, coming to the co-existence of the two. Life is a mixed bag--there will always be something you are struggling with and something you are grateful for. Allow space for both, feel whatever you feel completely. But as sentient beings, we have the ability to choose our perspective. And that is where I urge you to consciously seek out the positives. While you do have struggles, you also have so many things to be grateful for. Acknowledge them, and allow them to help you cope with your struggles. But must importantly, allow yourself to feel your emotions: whether that be gratitude, fear, anxiety or happiness.