What if?
I have to keep this short,because I have an exam tomorrow. :| Nevertheless,I prefer my articles straight from the oven --therefore I shall give voice to my thoughts before I trudge back to the paper I was reading.
While all of us have been haunted by the innumerable what-ifs that we come across in life,I have particularly wondered about this one.What if I wasn't an introvert? Don't get me wrong:I'm not saying that I want to be an extrovert.I'm very happy with being an introvert--I wouldn't have it any other way.Yet,I've been increasingly wondering about what the other side of the mountain looks like.
This is primarily because of my twin,I'm guessing.Clarification:I'm not talking about a biological twin here.It's just a name I've jokingly bestowed on my friend because we share the same birthday(date,month and year),the same blood group and a million other things.(More about this later.It'll be too long to fit in here)
Where we fundamentally and drastically differ from each other is this:She's an extrovert and I'm an introvert.Although she thinks of herself as an introvert,I don't think that's true at all.Or maybe her scales of extroversion are significantly shifted from the origin.It's all relative, you know.Be that as it may,I end up spending more than 90 percent of my time awake in her company as a result of which I can't help but notice.
Social interaction seems like a cakewalk for her.There are no uncomfortable pauses in conversation at mealtimes.No hesitation before texting/calling someone.No trouble merging with people.No trouble going to large(read scary) gatherings of people.Small talk is just a reflex action.Social occasions are natural if not joyous.Celebrations are really about celebrating and not obligations.
During the course of my life,I've seen several such people.I haven't envied them until recently.In a lot of situations,being a social butterfly is an advantage and at times even a necessity.
I sometimes do this with a spirit akin to experimentation:If I pretended to be an extrovert,would people be taken in by it? When I meet new people who have no idea of who I am and no mutual friends to ruin that,I pretend to be an extrovert.I talk for hours on end,laugh at all the appropriate places and mingle perfectly with them.The result,you ask? Those set of people know a different me.They truly believe that I'm cheerful,talkative and charming:P The downside is that this is very tiring.I can do it for a day.A week if I have to.Not more than that.
Of late,I've been feeling that life would become a lot easier if I were able to put on this mask everyday.Maybe if I try long enough,I'll end up becoming socially adept.It's what they say about an actor--there's a fine line between the role and your own personality--you rub off on the role and it rubs off on you.
P.S:For all the people who don't understand this,I don't hate being with people.It's just that it takes me a really long time to get comfortable with them(read years).In today's fast-paced life,I don't even get beyond pleasantries--I keep saying hi,how are you? to people for a year or two and then it's time to leave.For a change,it would be nice to be on talking terms with everyone and actually know them instead of this:P Hence the what-if.
The kernel of my brain seems to have been compiled without the module on extroversion.Either that,or it's blacklisted. Since modules are dynamically loadable and modprobe is editable,that's something that can easily be rectified. I've resolved to be more social at the next place I go to.Fresh start,clean slate.It'll be a good experiment,if nothing else:D
While all of us have been haunted by the innumerable what-ifs that we come across in life,I have particularly wondered about this one.What if I wasn't an introvert? Don't get me wrong:I'm not saying that I want to be an extrovert.I'm very happy with being an introvert--I wouldn't have it any other way.Yet,I've been increasingly wondering about what the other side of the mountain looks like.
This is primarily because of my twin,I'm guessing.Clarification:I'm not talking about a biological twin here.It's just a name I've jokingly bestowed on my friend because we share the same birthday(date,month and year),the same blood group and a million other things.(More about this later.It'll be too long to fit in here)
Where we fundamentally and drastically differ from each other is this:She's an extrovert and I'm an introvert.Although she thinks of herself as an introvert,I don't think that's true at all.Or maybe her scales of extroversion are significantly shifted from the origin.It's all relative, you know.Be that as it may,I end up spending more than 90 percent of my time awake in her company as a result of which I can't help but notice.
Social interaction seems like a cakewalk for her.There are no uncomfortable pauses in conversation at mealtimes.No hesitation before texting/calling someone.No trouble merging with people.No trouble going to large(read scary) gatherings of people.Small talk is just a reflex action.Social occasions are natural if not joyous.Celebrations are really about celebrating and not obligations.
During the course of my life,I've seen several such people.I haven't envied them until recently.In a lot of situations,being a social butterfly is an advantage and at times even a necessity.
I sometimes do this with a spirit akin to experimentation:If I pretended to be an extrovert,would people be taken in by it? When I meet new people who have no idea of who I am and no mutual friends to ruin that,I pretend to be an extrovert.I talk for hours on end,laugh at all the appropriate places and mingle perfectly with them.The result,you ask? Those set of people know a different me.They truly believe that I'm cheerful,talkative and charming:P The downside is that this is very tiring.I can do it for a day.A week if I have to.Not more than that.
Of late,I've been feeling that life would become a lot easier if I were able to put on this mask everyday.Maybe if I try long enough,I'll end up becoming socially adept.It's what they say about an actor--there's a fine line between the role and your own personality--you rub off on the role and it rubs off on you.
P.S:For all the people who don't understand this,I don't hate being with people.It's just that it takes me a really long time to get comfortable with them(read years).In today's fast-paced life,I don't even get beyond pleasantries--I keep saying hi,how are you? to people for a year or two and then it's time to leave.For a change,it would be nice to be on talking terms with everyone and actually know them instead of this:P Hence the what-if.
The kernel of my brain seems to have been compiled without the module on extroversion.Either that,or it's blacklisted. Since modules are dynamically loadable and modprobe is editable,that's something that can easily be rectified. I've resolved to be more social at the next place I go to.Fresh start,clean slate.It'll be a good experiment,if nothing else:D
Wow! I felt like reading a page out of my journal from school days (only the said journal does not exist :P ) I tried to do the exact same thing for years, before giving up. I don't mean to sound discouraging..I think the degree of introversion plays a major role. If you are able to succeed then please write a book as to how you did that :)
ReplyDeleteI don't have much hope either. But let's see. I'll give it a try. A book is too much--It'll probably be an article about how I come across as bipolar because I talk on one day and then retreat into my shell on another :P
DeleteLol, somebody said they'd keep things short. Signs of extrovertismness to me XD
ReplyDeleteIf writing and talking to people were in any way similar, I wouldn't be writing this article to begin with :D
DeleteForget not that one speaks to be heard and writes to be read
DeleteTo be heard is infinitely more frightening than to be read. It's like calling v/s texting! Worlds apart if you're people phobic :p
Delete