Random Rant: On warped notions of beauty

This article and the next tread the fine line between the notions of beauty and normalization of pain for women. While they are essentially separate issues, recent incidents have made me want to write specifically about their intersection. This post primarily focuses on society's notions of beauty.

The beauty industry has always baffled me-- it seems to thrive on people's insecurities and imperfections. A woman can relate very easily to this, but I will elaborate for the sake of anyone who is unfamiliar with the routine. Have you ever stepped into a store that sells cosmetics or beauty products? It feels like being in a battlefield  but bereft of your armor and shield. Many salespeople spare no effort in telling you all about how bad your skin or hair is in great detail, and how they have the perfect solution for it. They do this even if you're merely tagging along with someone else looking for something, as I've been many a time. I appreciate their eagerness to make a sale, but I suppose people would rather not have their perceived flaws recited to an audience. And then there's the more charming salesperson, who first gives you a glowing compliment, and then cites one tiny imperfection of yours. Oh! If not for this, you'd be just perfect. If only you use this product, you will look even more wonderful! Ah, I cringe so much. I have seen many variations of these.

Have you been to a beauty parlor? (which is a modern day euphemism for a torture chamber!) If you go in to get something done,many beauticians will give you a complete head-to-toe glance before they begin citing a long list of procedures that you should get done. It is again a variation of the same two as above, and I sigh in despair.

I'm not here to stereotype salespeople from the beauty industry and berate them for making a living off people's insecurities- if that's what the first two paragraphs sounded like.

What am I trying to say then? Again, this brings me to a very controversial point. Am I implying that people should not use beauty products or go to parlors in an effort to be more aesthetically pleasing? No, that is every individual's choice. I will leave it to my Reader to take that decision for themselves. 

What I intend to ask is this-- is this feeding to people's insecurities? What of the fact that very few people are comfortable in their own skin? Is it healthy to purchase a beauty product in the hope that it will magically make you perfect? 

A couple of incidents that made me write this:

A few days ago, my friend was visiting. Neither of us are people who take pictures, but when she was leaving, I recalled that I was meeting her after one and a half years, and that I would like a picture to remember the day by. We quickly clicked one, and then I took a look at it. My friend had a weird expression, so I showed her the picture and asked her if she wanted another. She smiled and told me: No, I don't mind. I'm perfectly happy with that one.

She said this with laid back confidence, and the realization hit me. She was absolutely comfortable with who she was and how she looked, and didn't want to change a thing. She couldn't care less about what anyone else thought. And by being herself, she had the perfect armor. It reminded me of the quote: For an impenetrable shield, stand within yourself.

Another friend told me a few days ago that she felt unworthy of being looked at and that other people did not find her beautiful. I asked her how that mattered at all, and she said that the general crowd gave her lesser attention because of it, and it made her feel alone. I commented that the opinions of the general crowd didn't matter, and she told me that it did, because that was a large part of her interaction with society, and it made her feel so unwelcome. I have always been a tad scornful of people wanting to be perceived as beautiful, but for once I tried to think about what someone else would feel--and I guess people are justified in their need to belong.

Now, these are two ends of the spectrum, and I look at them and try to decipher them. What makes certain people feel insecure about their appearance while others feel completely confident? Is it their inherent insecurities entirely? Or is it a consequence of the alienation they face from the society? Or is some proportion of both? What could we do to make more people happy about who they are?

One: Society's perception needs to change

Two: People's perceptions of themselves need to change.

As I write this article, I feel a sense of despair. I do not know how to entirely articulate this, but so much of people's response to beauty is instinctive. I have asked many people this--how do you say someone's beautiful? Most often, they respond that they just see and know. Can we then change that? Or is it already set in stone?

But why are we so set on our notions of beauty? Why are they so warped? Why do they include such a niche set of people and leave out the rest to the wolves? 

Why does beauty even have to be visual? I have always opined that beauty is something that spans across senses.(The perception of beauty) 

I personally am somewhat apathetic to visual beauty. On most days, I don't care what I look like or what the world thinks of me. Maybe I don't have the absolute confidence that my friend has, but I simply don't care. It is what it is, and my appearance is a part of me that I have fully accepted. But there's always that occasional vulnerable moment. When I'm completely off-guard and an offhand comment sometimes causes more damage than it should. In those moments, years of suppressed emotions overwhelm my carefully constructed reassurances, and I am lost for some time.

But I always converge at this: That our current notions on beauty are warped and myopic, and they need to be transformed quite a bit before they become palatable.