On the perception of beauty
This is something I have been meaning to write from a very long time.I have waited for years to see if my perspective would change, or if life would give me some answers to these questions I've had. But that eureka moment hasn't come, and I'll go ahead and make my points anyway. So you might find this a bit muddled in places, very clear in others and with no reasonable conclusion. You have been warned! :D
What is beauty to you? The most common definition I could find was "Something that pleases the eye". Alright, I'll give you that. There are basic aesthetic factors that our brain processes before we declare something as beautiful or not. Another point to note here is that these factors are always subjective and they vary extremely from person to person. But tell me this: does it give us the right to pass judgement on human beings using these arbitrary standards?
In this day of photos, commenting on people's appearances has become a vicarious pastime entirely devoid of thought. One thing that I've particularly despised is people commenting on couple pictures this way: "This guy and this girl.What did he see in her?" or "Wow, he has done really well. She is such a catch.So gorgeous." or "He must earn really well, because he sure isn't good-looking. I wonder why she chose him". Here we are, proclaiming equality on the basis of gender, religion, race, caste and what not. And yet, these comments have become a well-accepted part of our reality. Who gave you the right? Why two people choose each other is completely their business and none of yours. Would you say these things if the subjects of your remarks could actually hear you? Or does the anonymity of the internet provide a good enough invisible cloak for all that viciousness?
I have always held that beauty is more than skin deep. Because to me, beauty isn't what pleases the eye. It is what pleases the mind. Spoken like a true sapiosexual huh?:P The genuineness you see in a person's eye, the warmth of your mother's tired smile, the sparkle in your father's worn eyes, the laughter of your best friend, the sadness you hear in the subtle undertones of a rich voice, the intelligence you hear when someone talks, the power of an orator who owns a room and every single person in it, the wit and humor in a well crafted line of conversation, the perfection of words in a book, that feeling when you see a familiar face after ages, these are things of beauty to me. And what do I see when I look at a person who is conventionally perceived as "gorgeous/good-looking/hot"? Close to nothing. I am serious here. I might notice it for a second, but the feeling is very fleeting and inconsequential. I don't ponder over it or sigh as if I am going to faint.
I haven't really cared for appearances, and yet, today I wonder if I'm being a bit of a hypocrite. I was arguing with a friend over not getting anyone for makeup on my wedding day and doing it myself(because I'm not a huge fan of makeup and I somehow hate the idea). As literally every other friend who heard this had reacted, she too told me that I was being stupid.
"This isn't even something you should be thinking about. It's your wedding day. Of course you should get makeup done".
"But why? Why is it so matter-of-fact?"
"Because the pictures will look good."
"Won't they look good even if not?"
"No, the lights are too bright. Your face will look too faded and normal without makeup."
"Hmm...maybe that's okay. I don't value appearances all that much. The pictures will still mean the same to me."
"Why are you doing anything then? Why are you wearing a silk saree? Why jewelry? Why get a photographer? Go in jeans, get married, take a selfie. Done."
She was probably frustrated that after all her efforts I was still not persuaded to her point-of-view. But then, this got me thinking, She's right. If I didn't care for appearances at all, then why would I bother? Why would I even put in this much effort? Maybe I'm not what I think I am.
My mom is even more staunch in her views of beauty, to the point that she finds me frivolous and superficial. She once asked me,
"Why are you so fixated on photos?"
"Because they're memories. We'll have something to remember this day by."
"My generation did not have photos. Do you think our memories are any less precious or any more ephemeral for that? It's all in your mind"
She did have a point. It reminded me of a recent study that found that by clicking pictures, we focus less on the moment and therefore do not remember it as well. We basically delegate the remembering to our electronic counterparts.
Here I was, listening to extreme perspectives. I asked myself where I stand, and it was somewhere in the middle. I do like having pictures to look back on, especially with people and places I love, but not to the point that pictures are everything. I may not value appearance all that much, but I would still put in some effort. Just that it might not align with most people's views of what I should look like. And as for that part, I don't really care.
But what I really and truly despise is this: Forcing people to adhere to standards that are entirely pointless and nonsensical. And when I say force, I do not mean hold-a-knife-to-your-throat force. More subtle things: certain rules about beauty that the society imposes and a general disdain for anything that falls outside this umbrella. For most people, external validation does matter. Hence, when we accept these opinions and validate them by making them part of everyday conversation, we also reject everything else. Consequently, a vast majority of human beings have insecurities about their appearance that go so deep down that it almost becomes instinctive. How is this different from your garden variety discrimination? It isn't in my opinion, and it is time we start treating people that way. Not only by merely saying so, but also by actually thinking that way. We are more than our bodies and faces. If you want to look your best, go ahead. Don't judge someone for not wanting to, though. Maybe that's not their cup of tea. It doesn't make them any less of a human being. We are all equally entitled to our choices. :)
P.S: I am well aware that this is just the tip of the iceberg here, and there are a lot of aspects I haven't touched upon. Also, this article is not as coherently worded as I'd like it to be.<to-be-edited-some-distant-day-in-future>
Btw, the image I have used here is what turns up first when I search for beauty on Google. Page ranking algo huh? You might argue with me that this is what most people find beautiful. Maybe. My answer would be that it's a vicious circle. By putting up this to represent beauty, we are further reinforcing the idea in people's minds, especially those minds who have still not found the answers for themselves and rely on society to guide them. Who gets to choose though? By virtue of free will, shouldn't a person be able to decide for themselves what's beautiful and what isn't? Most people who read this are going to label me an overthinker, which I'll admit I am, but give this some thought.
This is my 200th article. :)
What is beauty to you? The most common definition I could find was "Something that pleases the eye". Alright, I'll give you that. There are basic aesthetic factors that our brain processes before we declare something as beautiful or not. Another point to note here is that these factors are always subjective and they vary extremely from person to person. But tell me this: does it give us the right to pass judgement on human beings using these arbitrary standards?
In this day of photos, commenting on people's appearances has become a vicarious pastime entirely devoid of thought. One thing that I've particularly despised is people commenting on couple pictures this way: "This guy and this girl.What did he see in her?" or "Wow, he has done really well. She is such a catch.So gorgeous." or "He must earn really well, because he sure isn't good-looking. I wonder why she chose him". Here we are, proclaiming equality on the basis of gender, religion, race, caste and what not. And yet, these comments have become a well-accepted part of our reality. Who gave you the right? Why two people choose each other is completely their business and none of yours. Would you say these things if the subjects of your remarks could actually hear you? Or does the anonymity of the internet provide a good enough invisible cloak for all that viciousness?
I have always held that beauty is more than skin deep. Because to me, beauty isn't what pleases the eye. It is what pleases the mind. Spoken like a true sapiosexual huh?:P The genuineness you see in a person's eye, the warmth of your mother's tired smile, the sparkle in your father's worn eyes, the laughter of your best friend, the sadness you hear in the subtle undertones of a rich voice, the intelligence you hear when someone talks, the power of an orator who owns a room and every single person in it, the wit and humor in a well crafted line of conversation, the perfection of words in a book, that feeling when you see a familiar face after ages, these are things of beauty to me. And what do I see when I look at a person who is conventionally perceived as "gorgeous/good-looking/hot"? Close to nothing. I am serious here. I might notice it for a second, but the feeling is very fleeting and inconsequential. I don't ponder over it or sigh as if I am going to faint.
I haven't really cared for appearances, and yet, today I wonder if I'm being a bit of a hypocrite. I was arguing with a friend over not getting anyone for makeup on my wedding day and doing it myself(because I'm not a huge fan of makeup and I somehow hate the idea). As literally every other friend who heard this had reacted, she too told me that I was being stupid.
"This isn't even something you should be thinking about. It's your wedding day. Of course you should get makeup done".
"But why? Why is it so matter-of-fact?"
"Because the pictures will look good."
"Won't they look good even if not?"
"No, the lights are too bright. Your face will look too faded and normal without makeup."
"Hmm...maybe that's okay. I don't value appearances all that much. The pictures will still mean the same to me."
"Why are you doing anything then? Why are you wearing a silk saree? Why jewelry? Why get a photographer? Go in jeans, get married, take a selfie. Done."
She was probably frustrated that after all her efforts I was still not persuaded to her point-of-view. But then, this got me thinking, She's right. If I didn't care for appearances at all, then why would I bother? Why would I even put in this much effort? Maybe I'm not what I think I am.
My mom is even more staunch in her views of beauty, to the point that she finds me frivolous and superficial. She once asked me,
"Why are you so fixated on photos?"
"Because they're memories. We'll have something to remember this day by."
"My generation did not have photos. Do you think our memories are any less precious or any more ephemeral for that? It's all in your mind"
She did have a point. It reminded me of a recent study that found that by clicking pictures, we focus less on the moment and therefore do not remember it as well. We basically delegate the remembering to our electronic counterparts.
Here I was, listening to extreme perspectives. I asked myself where I stand, and it was somewhere in the middle. I do like having pictures to look back on, especially with people and places I love, but not to the point that pictures are everything. I may not value appearance all that much, but I would still put in some effort. Just that it might not align with most people's views of what I should look like. And as for that part, I don't really care.
But what I really and truly despise is this: Forcing people to adhere to standards that are entirely pointless and nonsensical. And when I say force, I do not mean hold-a-knife-to-your-throat force. More subtle things: certain rules about beauty that the society imposes and a general disdain for anything that falls outside this umbrella. For most people, external validation does matter. Hence, when we accept these opinions and validate them by making them part of everyday conversation, we also reject everything else. Consequently, a vast majority of human beings have insecurities about their appearance that go so deep down that it almost becomes instinctive. How is this different from your garden variety discrimination? It isn't in my opinion, and it is time we start treating people that way. Not only by merely saying so, but also by actually thinking that way. We are more than our bodies and faces. If you want to look your best, go ahead. Don't judge someone for not wanting to, though. Maybe that's not their cup of tea. It doesn't make them any less of a human being. We are all equally entitled to our choices. :)
P.S: I am well aware that this is just the tip of the iceberg here, and there are a lot of aspects I haven't touched upon. Also, this article is not as coherently worded as I'd like it to be.<to-be-edited-some-distant-day-in-future>
Btw, the image I have used here is what turns up first when I search for beauty on Google. Page ranking algo huh? You might argue with me that this is what most people find beautiful. Maybe. My answer would be that it's a vicious circle. By putting up this to represent beauty, we are further reinforcing the idea in people's minds, especially those minds who have still not found the answers for themselves and rely on society to guide them. Who gets to choose though? By virtue of free will, shouldn't a person be able to decide for themselves what's beautiful and what isn't? Most people who read this are going to label me an overthinker, which I'll admit I am, but give this some thought.
This is my 200th article. :)
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