When a hobby becomes a chore...

Not very well-written. Spur of the moment thing. Apologies.

A couple of months back, I valiantly decided to pursue a hobby in parallel with work. The reasoning behind was simple: Work would always be around, and I would never have a phase of life dedicated just for my interests. Therefore, it had to be done simultaneously. The hobby in question was music(vocal if you're curious) and this time I looked for something would work out long term. Maybe it was serendipitous, but I stumbled upon an online class. It had a wide variety of slots right from 4am to 10pm. This was perfect, I thought. No matter where I am, all I need is a good internet connection and I'm set. I could reschedule classes, do assignments in my own time, choose an alternate slot after a couple of months if needed, or even take a break and continue from where I left off. All the advantages of the digital world, I grinned in glee.

I registered for the class, and it was just one hour a week. All was green and glorious in the beginning and I looked forward to that one hour every single week. It was my time of bliss. Away from all the hustle and bustle of this maddening world. Just the shruthi of the tampura, the beat of the tala and a stream of mellifluous swaras. What more could one want? To my good fortune, I was blessed with a very talented and patient teacher. Friends applauded my decision and said in awe "Wow, you're actually finding the time to do something you love. I wish I could manage it as well as you do."

But then, as time progressed, it got hectic. The assignments and assessments started pouring in, the deadlines looming frighteningly close. The time I spent practicing was phenomenally low, and the bliss slowly morphed into guilt. Every weekend I would login, and I would look at how many things I had to complete in despair. I made excuses to my teacher :it was a very busy week, I fell sick, I just couldn't find time. I was never reproached for any of this, but I felt bad nevertheless. (When you practise, it shows in your voice. Ditto for when you don't. A seasoned teacher can hear one note and tell you precisely how much time you spent in riyaz! :P And singing without proper practice feels terrible because it's never good enough. You know you are capable of better.)

This is something I really love. Why am I finding it so difficult to keep it up? How did my beloved hobby end up as yet another chore? That was the last thing I wanted, because hating something you once loved is just about the worst thing that could happen.

These are questions I still ask myself, and sometimes I contemplate going back to my old lazy ways. At least I wouldn't have to feel guilty every week about assignments, I think. I could be carefree and happy. But I know for sure what I'd think the moment I stopped: That one hour was heaven. But you were stupid enough to say no to it just because you can't stop procrastinating. If only you cut down on texting or watching those useless soaps, you would have all the time in the world. But no, you have to squander away all your time and talent on nothing.

And there you find me on a Sunday mid-morning, stuck between procrastination and passion. I do not know which of the two is stronger. I sure hope it's the latter, but only time will tell. :)

P.S:To all the people in this world who manage multiple things, I bow in ultimate respect. Maybe I can take a leaf out out of your book :D