EFML: On perfection and perseverance
This one is heavily inspired by a conversation with my better half--I am excerpting part of it here without prior permission. Hopefully, that should be fine! :P
My husband is a musical man, both by nature and nurture. He comes from a family where music is the norm more than the exception, and several of his relatives are examples of that. Coming to nurture, he's learnt to play the violin right from early childhood up to high school, and has a junior degree in it. He's also learnt the keyboard and guitar. He sings quite well, gamakas included. That apart, he also has this amazing ability that I envy- swaragnana- the ability to sing/play by ear. This requires one to identify swaras/notes spot on, and then replicate them perfectly-- an instrumentalist's forte.
Given all this, I really love to listen to him play the violin. And this, I've discovered much to my dismay and sadness, he does very little of. :( So this was yet another time where I was trying to talk him into playing more often.
He stubbornly refused, albeit without a concrete reason. When I tried to probe deeper, he told me abruptly: I hate listening to myself. It's so far from perfection. There were people who played much better than me in my violin class itself, and I was just above average. I'm just not good enough to be playing. So just let it be.
I was aghast at this. I also took it personally and felt very hurt, although that probably wasn't his intention. This man, with all his musical talent, thinks he isn't good enough. What of me then?
I have minimal swaragnana, my gamakas are average at best, and manodharma makes me feel out of my depth. Yet, I sing. I persist at it, taking classes every week and learning a new song whenever I find the time. Will I ever be as good as he is? Probably not. What hope do I have then? Why do I even bother? My mind went off into a destructive spiral, and I felt really bad. God knows, I totally relate to all that he said, except that I keep trying despite feeling that way.( For example, I cringe every time I read what I write, and yet I write.)
I spent some time thinking about it, and my conclusion was the same as before. What really is "good enough"? There's always someone better than you. Does that mean you should never play/sing/perform? If everyone thought that way, the world would be a much drearier place.
I ask myself two things before I invest time and energy into any activity:
i) Does it make me happy?
ii) Given my current constraints of time and effort, am I giving it my best?
If the answers to both these are yes, then I see that activity as worth my investment. I might not ever be good enough, but I sure did try and I tried my best and had fun while I was at it. I can live with that. I will always aspire for perfection, but I will not let a fear of imperfection deter me from trying. Enough said! :)
My husband is a musical man, both by nature and nurture. He comes from a family where music is the norm more than the exception, and several of his relatives are examples of that. Coming to nurture, he's learnt to play the violin right from early childhood up to high school, and has a junior degree in it. He's also learnt the keyboard and guitar. He sings quite well, gamakas included. That apart, he also has this amazing ability that I envy- swaragnana- the ability to sing/play by ear. This requires one to identify swaras/notes spot on, and then replicate them perfectly-- an instrumentalist's forte.
Given all this, I really love to listen to him play the violin. And this, I've discovered much to my dismay and sadness, he does very little of. :( So this was yet another time where I was trying to talk him into playing more often.
He stubbornly refused, albeit without a concrete reason. When I tried to probe deeper, he told me abruptly: I hate listening to myself. It's so far from perfection. There were people who played much better than me in my violin class itself, and I was just above average. I'm just not good enough to be playing. So just let it be.
I was aghast at this. I also took it personally and felt very hurt, although that probably wasn't his intention. This man, with all his musical talent, thinks he isn't good enough. What of me then?
I have minimal swaragnana, my gamakas are average at best, and manodharma makes me feel out of my depth. Yet, I sing. I persist at it, taking classes every week and learning a new song whenever I find the time. Will I ever be as good as he is? Probably not. What hope do I have then? Why do I even bother? My mind went off into a destructive spiral, and I felt really bad. God knows, I totally relate to all that he said, except that I keep trying despite feeling that way.( For example, I cringe every time I read what I write, and yet I write.)
I spent some time thinking about it, and my conclusion was the same as before. What really is "good enough"? There's always someone better than you. Does that mean you should never play/sing/perform? If everyone thought that way, the world would be a much drearier place.
I ask myself two things before I invest time and energy into any activity:
i) Does it make me happy?
ii) Given my current constraints of time and effort, am I giving it my best?
If the answers to both these are yes, then I see that activity as worth my investment. I might not ever be good enough, but I sure did try and I tried my best and had fun while I was at it. I can live with that. I will always aspire for perfection, but I will not let a fear of imperfection deter me from trying. Enough said! :)
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